2003-04-16 : 10:09 p.m.
Fulfill me... differently.

I admired your charm from a distance, because I was chuckled by the reaction silly girls made over it.

I admired your style and way of being, because it did seem so refined and wasn't directed at me.

I enjoyed your conversation and input, because I never believed I depended on it.

And I even loved you from a distance, because it was easier that way.

But now, I have never been so in love.

I have never been so happy.

And I have never been so crippled by a sense of insecurity... that comes with all this love I have for you...

both which I can't control.

Because it was easy when I didn't think it all might... just might... belong to me.

But now I'm loving all the same... and through the same pixels and phone conversations, that preceeded the rest...

except you say this time it's for me...

but I really just don't know... I mean, how do I know?

But I suppose I'll never really know. Nor should it matter, because it's a risk I want so desperately to make... for you, and us.

So I won't walk away...ever... without a fight...

because I could never live with myself thinking... you "could" in fact have been mine... really, really, mine.

I just wish there was some way you could make up a language you'd never used before... and master 'those' words, just for me...

unused... and far from a-typical.

You see, I can't reside in your head... where all the proof ultimately lies...

I wish there was a way I could hear, "I love you"... with words never used before.

Because I need you... in a way, I wasn't aware of, till I met you. **************************************** Added: 4-17-03 12:19 a.m. I was taking a shower... letting the hottest water that could pour... fall right over me... A kind of pleasure-pain. When it occurred to me, could I be feeling this way... for the simplest of reasons, that you are just too perfect? Sad, isn't it? And now... I must turn this off and render myself to some useless, sporadic sleep... that is entirly worthless, without you at my side. I don't want to cry anymore... come home...

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* - 2007-07-05
--------------------- - 2006-05-30
hello, goodbye - 2006-05-24
Pinky burglar - 2006-03-09
So let's go... - 2006-02-24