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2002-11-12 : 5:59 p.m.
Where were you...?
Listening to: Oasis, (What's the Story) Morning Glory?
"Some day you will find me/ Caught beneath the landslide/ In the champagne supernova in the sky... Wake up the dawn and ask her why/ A dreamer dreams, she never dies/ Wipe that tear away now from your eye/ Slowly walking down the hall/ Faster than a cannon ball/ Where were you while we were getting high?... But you and I, we live and die/ The world's still spinning round/ We don't know why... Why... Why... Why... How many special people change/ How many lives are living strange Where were you while we were getting high?"-- Oasis I remember it so clearly... we were all at the beach... drinking... and clearly drunk as fuck... Six of us... 17 to 19, I think it was... Anywho... at some point we thought we spotted the cops patrolling the beaches and coming our way... "Just cover all the bottles with sand... quick..." So we resealed them and followed the seemingly flawless master plan... "Quick! Quick! They're coming!" Then when the criminal deed was covered... we all just casually walked away and headed a bit towards the board walk... where the leisure "hang out" would look less suspicious... and waited for things to subside... When the scene was clear... I turned around to face the big black ocean... and noticed what now seemed like the vast sand lands... and said... "uhhh... Danny..." "What?" And in her petite... stumbling drunken stupor... Jennifer turns to face with me... and exclaims... in her loudest raunch... "... Hey man!!! Where did the fucking bottles go?" Danny's response: "...Uuhhhh..." (long pause) "oh well..." We walked back to the general area (I assume)... and just stood there... and just fucking laughed... We lost quite the stash that night... Everything from your best rums... to your shit whiskey like: southern comfort... I remember that night for the fun... and so many other things that happened... From Danny getting mad at me b/c I was being wooed by this kid Michael and not paying attention to him... (mind you, I had a boyfriend who wasn't there at the time... god that was some test...)then getting furious with Jen b/c she was up Eric's butt... but my clearest memory came at the early onset of the night... when Danny asked me where I had been... why I wasn't around as much? And I shit you not... I quote: "Where were you while we were getting high?" Up my then boyfriends� ass apparently... He was a bit bitter about that sort of thing... and I couldn't blame him... So when the song came out a little less than a year later... well, if you really know the lyrics... you can almost follow line by line... the foreshadowing it held for us... Danny had been diagnosed almost a year to the day... from that night... and a year after that I had found myself by his hospital bedside on my own... The Oasis CD was sitting by his bed on the nightstand... "Good album, ey?" "Yeah... I really really like it..." he responded... "Mmmm... me too... do you like all the songs?" "Yeah some more than others..." Then we both just looked at each other. And he said with a smile: "Champagne super nova." I laughed and sung in a low voice... "Where were you while we were getting high?" "Exactly." We laughed. How foretelling it would prove to be... When he died... I played that song and that song only... over and over for days on end... I can't tell you how many days exactly. I don't remember. But I remember, Jorge finally breaking down crying at my side... as I was sitting in front of his stereo, replaying the song... again and again... and he begged me in tears to please stop... I don't remember much else. ********************************* I don't know what to make of today... except it was like any other day I guess... I've been told I have to have surgery in two weeks... (my lovely gums...) I'm not to pleased with that... Especially since it's all for vanity and perfection... I feel shallow... And worse? A friend of Shawn's passed away two days ago... my age... brain tumor of some sort... Shawn says he was close, although it seems he hasn't been in much contact with him recently... I felt awful for him... it's been a hell of a year for him really... I told him how sorry I was... and I am... and offered him anything he might need... which was nothing really... I guess you really can only offer the thought sometimes... but then he answered an email I sent him today, asking if he was to attend the wake and offering some kind of support... and he responded with an adequate answer... but then this got me: " I hope your dentist stuff goes well and anything else." Anything else? And then a line from a previous email someone else had sent me stuck out in my mind: "...he does read what you write, doesn't he?" Yes he does... and I started crying... Fuck... I had done so well today... so damn well... and of all things that gets me... "anything else?" I just wanted to die. He means well... he does... but that killed me... because I've been so intent on not mentioning any of my problems to him... that it hadn't occurred to me, why he hadn't brought me up on it, and at least asked me if I was okay? Is that foolish? Really... am I shallow... because I really don't want attention for this... I really don't... I wouldn't deserve the sickening thought... but am I right to have expected that much? Too much? Eh? Why do I feel so foolish about this? It really has been too many years... too many... four years too many. I miss Jorge right now. He was such a pillar of strength...
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