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2003-03-05 : 9:05 p.m.
Oh jenny, oh jenny
This is in response to:
Hey honey, I am not the psycho here. Thanks though, for asking for my side of the story before making me sound like a pathetic loser. good show. I know what truths i have, and you can eat what he feeds you, i don't really care. he loves you and i know that, good for you. congratulations. i have never e-mailed claire, how could i? where would i get her address? listen, he wasn't friends with me for pity, he started talking with me again. he invited me to his diaryland site, he asked to visit me. so just get your facts straight before you start running your mouth. and leave me the fuck out of it. I've said goodbye to chris, so i'm not trying to get in your way and never was honey. so please put the blame elsewhere. from Jenny Dear Jenny, All facts I have derived, are from your "Chris". Haven't made a lick up...sorry. If I've mixed any facts up, I'm sure he'll let me know... 2) your "truth" is useless... because it falls under the perfect premise... of a "boy who cried wolf." If you do speak any ounce of truth, unfortunately in your case, it will take much more than just a cry of "I didn't do it." Your gonna have to work a little harder sweetheart. (And do you really want me to write out how you went about getting Claire's address? Didn't think that was necessary info, however if you need me to write it out, let me know.) 3) (As per the American Heritage College dictionary), diary- n. 1) a daily record, esp. a personal record of events, experiences, and observations. In other words, if I wanted to write: SUCK, FUCK, COCK-SUCKER, BITCH, WHORE, EAT IT, EAT IT, EAT IT EVEN MORE, LICK IT, SUCK IT, SHOVE IT... well... I could, couldn't I? It's called a D-I-A-R-Y. And in all fairness, when I write... I make it a point to write the reasons- as fully as possible- as to why, said individual is a "peanut for cock- sucking whore..." Y'know? You, subject yourself by reading (by choice), and entering into the realms of (My) diary. Which by virtue of it being on the internet... means even numb-nuts like yourself are very welcome to read... whatever, whenever. That part is your right. However, If you don't like it? Move on. It's not like I used your last name and posted your pic... all very tempting I have to admit. But that is crossing the line. So worry not. 4) So he visited you...and your point is? He had two other stops as well y'know... But the real point is, he visited you as a friend... or do you need me to define that for you too? Which leads me into point 5). 5)You asked him to call you, while he was still in the States...right? (As per the info given to me by your "Chris". And he called you.) But instead of just a friendly hello, you decided to go nuts on him, crying and questioning "why oh why? Why don't you love me???" yada... yada... (yes, some fictional/para-phrasing liberties were taken there... feel free to add whatever "boo-hoo's" I missed.) But that... coupled... with him telling you the deal (i.e. "nope... not mutual... yet AGAIN!")... and then you persisting, and persisting... with emails and what not..."love me...love you..." yada flippin yada... Well you have walked into "disrupting and disrespecting" good ol' Alex territory. Because you still went forward with such said nonsense, after he says no...and umm... no... and no. And of course, after knowing about me... oh and did I mention... umm... errr... he said... No? But ohhh!!! You still went on and persisted. That, my sweet, sweet pumpkin pie...is disrespecting me... disrupting me... and him... and being intrusive, on an inappropriate level. And had you been any kind of a friend, you would have bit your heart wrenched lip years ago... and wished him well... and if anything loved him at a distance. But, not get involved as you have... Trust me, I too have been in the circumstantial world of unrequited love. And for some time, I actually felt bad for you... because that does suck. But I have been and am friends with men whom I have been in love with... inside and out... but for different reasons, it just didn't pan out. But I never on any instance, yelled or treated them like crap, called them a "pig" or anything... for not feeling the same way. Because it really isn't their fault. Nor should anyone have to apologize for loving someone else, when no wrong doing or misleading has occurred. It wasn't something personal... that they were not "in love" per se... call it fate, whatever... or to put it in a simple cliche format..."it wasn't meant to be". And as HE wants it, nothing with you. Well... 'que sera...sera...' But you just couldn't get that, if the boy said "no", then he said "no". And being that he had (has) intentions with someone else... that makes you, intrusive... disrespectful, and disruptive... to me... and he and I, as a couple no less. And really, is it really adult to just resort to bashing him, and "attempting" to treat him like crap on the premise of "Why don't you love ME?" Because he simply doesn't, and for whatever reasons can't. That cannot be controlled honey. CAN NOT. The boy, like any human really, can chose whatever nugget he wants to fuck... but boy oh boy... love and worship, in the most passionate of fashions?... NO. Sorry. Love is far more complex. And no human can be harassed into such an experience of the heart. 6) And just so you know...(this is a secret now... shhhh... okay? Other people know about his diary tooooooo...shhhhhh...) 7) "good for me..." Not necesary... I had no intention of being anything outside of his friend for a long, long time. Because I personally don't or never did rather... believe in anything of anything, that is coming into fruition now. For example: a) I never imagined myself with a younger man... Ever. I like a little hair on the nuts for manliness points you know... I just never could communicate on any intellectual level, with men younger than I. b) Marriage... any way, any how... never. But...(now don't jump ahead kids...DON'T.) But that theory is certainly being put through the ringer, via many different levels. (My not even acknowledging such a fate for myself, that is. Hell, you still won't see me in a church and a white dress as it stands... and I still don't care much about diamonds...but nevertheless...) The idea of forever and love... and vows to commit... for some reason, It makes sense... now. When it never, ever did before. (But again kids, don't jump to conclusions here...please. baby steps!) But yes, the idea that I really really really... want to "work" to make forever happen... I want to turn over and say... "honey...(poke...poke) I think the wax build-up might need some attention I think..." And then still be able to kiss him and want to be passionate in all the love we could possible make and have... That seems... so very real. And for the first time ever... EVER. But most importantly a personal point... And c) Long distance? And from England???? Jesus Christ... I was like oh never... but look at them apples... I never, NEVER imagined i'd walk in through my front doors... and witness the rest of my life, in a glimpse. It is and was as insane and as fairytale as it sounds. But it would be like me trying to prove flying saucers to you. I can't. It's something you have to witness to believe. But as taken as I was with him, as a person, or a writer... as his 200 plus female "Beatle-esqued fevered" fan club woo-ed him back on every chance... I never approached him from a romantic level. Ironically enough... I fell in love with the story and his plight with Claire. It was honest and real. And not written for anyone, but himself. (Unlike his writings now.) Which made him so raw and cool... and simply sincere. I tagged him then as I writer and a human with superb insight and perception... Whereby frankly, I now tag him as a loyal lover... because now he's just fun and "nice" to the girls...which is all fair and fine... But not the reasons that first drew me to him. So there's no congrat's to Alex here, from anyone... because I didn't win him... or beat anyone to the punch... I befriended a boy... and as a result, the impossibilities of my world became magically real and possible... Again, I can't show this to you or anyone... Because you won't understand it, until it happens for you. 8) I never would have wanted you two to stop being friends... but before you and I could get to know each other on any civil level... you crossed the line. And I have no problems someday being able to meet say... Claire for example... and asking (because I am not a shy duckling... that's for sure), whether or not you did do that to her...And it's very possible that someday could and will happen... because I have no angst with the girl. She seems to be bright, that one. God knows she has done nothing to try and hurt me or him... on any rudimentary level...and from what little I gather and have read myself... She actually seems like someone I could hold a normal conversation with... and not have to watch my back, wondering at all times, if she could be trusted... and would she or wouldn't she try something on him... after the end has been finalized, and his life is now being realized with me. See, she has the benefit of the doubt on her side... whereas you do not. You lost it... trying this nonsense of coming on to him for the second time. And while you HAVE another boyfriend no less??? Christ... no human deserves that crap. You obviously don't love that other man... or else you wouldn't be still vying for your "Chris'" attention. That alone tells me you are scum and can't be trusted... How dare you lead anyone on in such a manner? Even if the other guy is a dick... let him go... don't try this shit behind your supposed bo's back. You might as well right out fuck another man...because the intention is there. And that is horrible. No one deserves to be misled and have their time wasted like that. Even you. And that right there... shows all the character and respect, you DO NOT have. And believe it or not... MR. "Christain" can back me up on this... I didn't attack you or assume the fault was ever on you at the beginning... Simply because... Fletcher is a bit the Don Juan... and likes the attention... I first asked him point blank..."what the hell (he) did... in any small way... to mislead you?" I asked him... over and over... "What have you done or said that could have led her to feel she might have something? What??? What did you do FLETCHER?" And the answer from him and others was "nothing". And, If anyone has had an uphill battle with me... it's definitely your dear christian. and being that you are not the first nut to come about, and create a bit of a problem... well... that all really puts him in a bit of jam, ey? And add to that some other stuff, (I just don't feel like getting into) well... like I said... he's diggin up and out... He's having to bust a nut really... and will have to for maybe a while to prove the little Don Juan theories wrong... Because as much as I see the magic... and I feel as I do... I'm skeptical... But he also seems to be patient...so we'll all see, won't we? So in essence, there has been ample room, where I have taken him apart and grilled him... and I have spent more than enough energy giving you the benefit of the doubt... in those instances. Just to make sure you were in fact the psychotic, you were appearing to be. But because of point five and others above... you have fucked the shhhhhit up with me. But if he chooses to even think he can be "friends" with you, without you trying anything again and such... and still have me...? Well, the boy has it all wrong... Because I won't play those juvenile games. It will NEVER be platonic, because of your constant nagging romantic intentions... Hence, you fucked up your friendship with him as a result, by not letting it go, at the appropriate time... not me. And if he choses to continue some kind of faux friendship with you... then obviously his intentions are shady with me, aren't they?... so I'm not gonna stick around and whine. I'm out. See... I actually grew up. So that's that I suppose... If you have any shit to vent... feel free to vent in the diary you have... of course I would appreciate the Why's behind said: FUCK, SUCK, BITCH... as I have appropriately done with you. And feel free to leave an email next time... unless, you wish this kind of exchange... to defend yourself... umm, rather pointlessly. Sincerely, THE LUCKIEST HAREM MEMBER OF THE 200 LOT... Alex
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