|
2003-03-10 : 9:39 p.m.
Hindsight...
Listening to: Mix CD
There's hindsight that makes you sad... There's hindsight that makes you angry... Then there's the stuff... that makes you feel proud, happy.... complete. (This tid bit, is reall just a note... or disclosure as it were. See the following to which I have decided to post has to do with Fletcher's entry, regarding his conversation with Claire. Well, sometimes... instead of writing... whether on these elctrnic pages... or my more serene written pages... I like to print out emails... that are significant, or thought provoking in value. Basically... for myself, they stand as entries on their own. So the following is a bit of an email Fletcher sent me...(first you must know, that we email at least 30 or more times back and forth while at work- to each other... Aside: Hi boss! In any case, the preceding (his) helps to set up something I wrote him. Something... that much like an entry... i know I will be able to simply read and say... "Damn straight. And that's the way it should be." So here you go... ***************************** Fletcher wrote: I thank you for worrying honey, but it's really nothing to worry about. I mean, sure it's strange, but I'm not about to go back to Claire or anything (so if you've thought that, cast it from that wonderful mind of yours). And yes, it made me sad that she'd stoop to the ploy of suddenly wanting me back now there's no way she can have me. I guess she liked having me running after her, even after we'd split up. Made her feel special or something, I dunno. So I find it a bit sad that she suddenly confesses to wanting me back last night. It was just a sort of a desperate attempt on her part, I guess. I love you. I really love you with all that I am. Claire's attempts too get me back, as sparse as they may be, will just have to remain unheeded, I'm afraid. It's you that I want to be with, from now until forever. *********************************** Alejandra- 03/10/2003 04:21 PM To: "'Fletcher' ." cc: Subject: Re: Wow... big... WOW... I chuckled quite a bit there... oh my wonderful love... you really are something...really are. I chuckle because I know I'm gonna sound like one cocky mo' fo'... but... BUT... assuming the worst... that I could lose you to anyone, or to your ex... no matter what or how much she meant to you at any given time... if I lost you in that fashion... then I would just lose you period... because the argument would remain... I never had you to begin with... (did I?) Stuff-as it were- just happens... and can only be digested in retrospect... and common sense (tells me)... no matter how sure I am of you... and I am... in a way... I have never been before in my life... but as horrific or ridiculous it may seem to even discuss this in the frame of you and I, the fact remains... that is (hypothetically or otherwise...) I wouldn't stand in the way... and my track record (or behavior) rather, is a good indication of it. I've just always believed strongly, that if you really want me... need me... and I am what makes it, does it... competes anything and everything... just for you... then I will... won't I? And If what I have just doesn't fit... then why would I force something that just isn't... And couple that with the fact, I just can't stand to waste my time... or any feel of it... then why? Why beg? or plead? or hope? or convince you? of things you Can Not make happen? do I make any sense? But yes... strangely enough... I feel safe with you. In the most peculiar way. And this, this is foreign to me. Because I have no reason to be. And yet... me? without proof? Are you kidding? It's unheard of. Unnerving almost. But wonderful. I want to experience the world with you. And that without further thought, means my life. I love you. ************************************** yup... so that's that, ey? and on another funny note... a funny one really... that I stumbled upon... an entry i had written for Fletcher... many, many, many, moons, suns, rainbows, and stars ago... When we were... honest to god... chums... friends... whatever.... It's in refernce to how Claire was treating him at the time... and before I had any concieved notion, of the man I know now... I can't tell you how much reading his plight with Claire at the time moved me... and how much of a wonderful person I all ready new him to be... prior to chemistry... infatuation... and ultimately the cultivation... of love in full devotion... in any case... this is what I wrote to him... while he lay in a bit of heart broken dispair... some time ago, over Claire.
|
| BIO | newest | previous | next | older | rings |
| guestbook | note |
| profile | cast | design | host |
| my survey |
| i love LTJ |
| pictures |