2002-11-20 : 4:09 p.m.
electronic relationships
Listening to: Third Eye Blind (Blue)
please... no slack for it!!! It's a fucking fantastic album! Seriously... I too, a few years back... really debated the antics and genuine "bill-board" sound of Third Eye Blind... but this album made me take all the squash, I vehemently spewed on them-- directly back into the good ol' mouth... Seriously... just listen... uninterrupted-- beginning to end... FANTASTIC. Anywho... now on to the topic revolving vicariously through the synapses since last night... Adrienne and I had quite the interesting talk about diaryland... devallyk, mustangusmc, and other now beloved beautes... (oh yes� and as an aside� I had that conversation� only after just having a phone conversation with Shari�regarding the same nonsense.) (Oh� and as a second aside: Shari is a secret-covert-spy on diaryland� whom is a bit chicken� and signs up as a guest (refusing to set up her own tag name)� to read muah� and others- as listed above� oh my bubbles: in my proper PBS- drug-free- commercial tone� �� everybody does it� come on�� Hee� hee�) Well, Adrienne refuses to get directly involved... seeing as she is already vicariously hooked by everything I tell her- relating to all, and myself of course� It is a bit sad, I must admit� I come home to tell her about my day� and the day includes: �yeah, so J� is having to deal with (such and such)��---�Suck� with a capital �S�� I know�poor thing��--- �Fletcher�It�s Fletcher� Adrienne� no sweets� not �Hetcher�, or �Metcher�� or �Festcher��. �F-L-E-T-C-H-E-R��� �giggles� �ooops� yeah, sorry� �Fle-hhh�. Umm, yeah� the cute boy from England� right, right� that one�� she responds. I always laugh after that comment� and I fear this is how our conversations concerning diaryland normally start out� incessantly. �Yes, Adrienne�� (followed by my- now- all to frequent slap to the forehead.) Well� on to my point� sorry� I get a bit spastic� I know� Well� a bit further into the conversation she gets me real, real� good. By that I mean� she asks the perfect question that leaves me� well� speechless� In that kind of relentless �stumped� feeling of: �Shit� I don�t know really� well, I mean� I think I might know� ehhh�but�. Hmmm� good fucking question�. Shit� ten points for Adrienne!� The question? Why are you so afraid of meeting someone� anyone� via the internet and such? And this question has come� ironically enough, just before I check my email� and find myself with the most pleasant of emails from mustangusmc� (now quit the dirty thoughts� I�ll explain in a bit�)
And yes, we could answer with the all too common answer: �ummm� possible stalker? But all jokes aside� ahem� seriously� You see� I have never conferred with folk via these new industrial wires� For anything ever� And don�t get me started on the whole �single� scene you can fall into via the internet� HELL NO!!! I had a friend, who�s entire back bone became dependent on the shit� she must have met and gone out with a good twenty� through these things� First the emails� the nonsensical banter of IM- ing� oh! And the ever so exciting picture exchange� Female: �oooohh� yeah you�re uhhh� kinda hot�� Male: �he�he� he� so you wanna meet?� And then enter: Nerds like I� to get dragged along for the momentous occasion� b/c pip-squeek here� is to nervous to go alone� And in seconds I become witness to what happens� over and over again� Nothing. The worst kind of Nothing� the uncomfortable�. Nothing. And the night turns into: everyone talking to everyone� except for the two in question, who can�t even look at each other� And the night wraps itself up� with yours truly having to drive� b/c pip-squeek can�t stop crying in her wails of: ��aaaahhhhrrrrrggghhhhh�. Why�why� why� I don�t understand� he saw my picture� we�ve been talking for months Alex� why? He said�I was cute� he said he liked me�� ��ummm� well, I�m sure he did�uhhh�� ��.aaaahhhhrrrrrggghhh�.� (*sniffles�snot�snorts� and anything between*) �� then why? What happened?�. I liked him so much Alex�� �Pheromones�� �eh�eh�he�eh�eh�� (oh you know, those crying heaves.) �What?� �Pheromones� what can I tell you?� the dog sniffed and scratched� but didn�t get the scent�� ��uh-hu-hu�aaaahhhhrrrrggghhhh�.� Her face flops back into her hands. I mean what the fuck am I suppose to say? I� in this situation� I would die� but it�s true� everyone always, always, mistakenly think� the good ol� picture exchange is the key� But the only definite information such a thing gives you is: Oh yeah� definitely could screw this donkey al�right� And I had explained all this to Adrienne� as a plausible answer� ��but this is your diary Alex� and you�ve also been reading about these people for months� sorry, but I don�t think that�s it�� Blasted! She�s fucking right� And I can�t even use the honesty ploy either� The: this person could be putting up a front�kind of deal. Simply because it would prove to be way to difficult for anyone really� to keep up any kind of front� for soooo long� and be consistent within months worth of entries� Possible? Maybe. But entirely too difficult and unlikely. And then an answer that lunaadored had written in my survey, came to mind� �Sure I would. Diaries are rather personal, and you can get to know someone quite well reading one. And if you form a good enough on-line friendship, why not try one off? How far? Depends on the person.� Yes�. Yes� good answer. I just can�t refute that. �Cause it makes quite a bit of sense to me...for once. Adrienne�s theory on my troubles is even more interesting� (oh by they way� she�s the child of a shrink� so as she put it: �Oh, I haven�t had a problem that hasn�t been dissected or �Worked though�.� (With fingers, doin� the quote thing.) So in her soft� (just lay down� and let�s talk about this)- kind of voice, she says: �Alex� I think it�s the whole� �distance� versus �relationship� thing� you�re scared that it might actually work� but then you�ll have to let it go�� I�m awestruck. ��even if it happens to be romantic or not�� she continues. DAMN! (*heavy sighs and breathing*) She is fucking Goooooood! At soon as it all really sunk in� all I could do is sit myself on my bed� and think� That just fucking sucks. And as fate would have it of course� I get an email from mustangusmc for a delightful invite to a chat via the phone!! (and no� you piglets!� he is very married� and very, very much in love� (*sighs*)� so end that nonsense immediately, thank you�) I was immediately ecstatic by the notion! A voice to go with all the wonderful stories and thoughts� and yes� pictures� And then I got nervous� how silly! Which then brought me right back to what Adrienne had talked about� Again, this is all very, very strange for me� I can only imagine what I would feel like if say someone like good ol� Fletcher appeared at my door step� I may actually pass out, before I can even turn the knob� HA!
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