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2002-11-13 : 3:56 p.m.
one sole requirement
Listening to: Porno For Pyros, (Good God's Urge)
"I like to watch her sway/ She's luck before I'm going away/ I wonder what she think's of herself/ She is mine and no one else's The words aren't exactly Perry Farrell's best... but when you combine it with the melody... and such a simple acoustic riff... it makes me want to be... Kimberly Austin. I don't care what she looks like... I don't care if she's a ka-billion pounds over weight... Yes... Kimberly Austin. To have a boy... any boy... with enough of a mind and creative connection to his soul... put words together in such a fashion... that doesn't just read: Yeah, I dig this girl... That instead, makes you or I, the voyers... feel what he feels... for Kimberly... takes more than just courage to allow room, for him to feel what he feels... I'd marry such a boy. And Mr. Farrell isn't exactly, your quote run of the mill... Brad Pitt persay... But oh... if I were Kimberly, Kim... Kimberly Austin... I- would be on one knee... Mmmmm... my mum's laughs when she hears me go on about this sort of nonsense... but it's true really... who am I kidding? This kid Gus once told me I "fucked" with my brain... which explains why he was so wretchedly mad at me... (when I wouldn't let the booger in my pants)... but that's another story all together... Yeah, I've dated all types... black, asian, white, hispanic... shit... I think that's every marker on a census roster outside of: OTHER or I Do Not Know. I even dated this beautiful boy, I will dub: Jack... (b/c I haven't seen him in years... and God forbid I "out" him... (and he hasn't fully outed himself yet...) Yes, you read right... "outed". And I'm not trying to be facetious... honest... the kid is GAY... 100%... and he just doesn't want to believe it... I don't know how to explain it... without getting into the details of one mother-freaken long story... so just trust me on this one. In any case "Jack" wrote me the most beautiful prose and short stories... he would hand them to me in between class... christ he was (& is) spectacularly brilliant... and man oh man... when he began to write just for me... uuugghh... I could have licked every one of his words off his body... So needless to say, I began dating the boy... which completely went against the hovering disco Gay alarm- that floated over my head... Oh "Jack"... He made sure I always had fresh flowers sitting on my window sill... walked me to as many of my classes as he could... what a gentleman... but alas! It came to an end... soon after... (well how do I put it without being too rash or blunt... Mmmm...) I "couldn't" sleep with him... Really... I "couldn't"... just couldn't do it, damn it... We were buck naked and all... and I just stopped him... like a bright, iridescent red light... just stopped. And I'll never forget the panic attack that ensued... when he asked: "what's wrong?" I didn't know what the hell to say to him... I couldn't just say: 'Ummm... honey... No really... you're GAY... and honest, I know it's not personal... but please deal with your demons and face this already... you'll be a much better person for it...' No instead... being the bright young lady I was... I mumble the most creative nonsense known to man... "...eehhhh.... I have a stomach ache?..." "Oh...uhhh...okay..." What a damn genius... I should smack myself for that one. (Again.) About two years later, I found out he had decided to at least 'half-way'(?) come out... apparently he decided to follow the 'bi-' route, when it was discovered he slept with his best friend... (a Man.) Ahem... But yes, that has been a kind of defining element for the relationships that have 'worked' for me- for whatever it's worth... And I don't mean the 'Gay' element... (...smarty-pants...ahem!) But yes... I want a boy who will write for me... colour for me... sing for me... play for me... read a piece of prose for me... oh, just one... something that would transcend the same feeling to anyone... who is caught in the wake of the creative flux of feelings; that hearing or reading such things... creates. Yes I want such a boy...
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