2003-03-04 : 5:19 p.m.
Because I want to feel him entirely...

Listening to: Third Eye Blind (Blue)

I feel better... much better.

My apologies...(somewhat...) See, well this is my diary, no? So I just happened to exert my right to bitch...well... in one slot...

In any case...

I am fine. Good. Thank you for the emails lovelies... and notes... Thanks Lara, really.

But I just had quite the lengthy conversation with Fletcher.

And I don't really want to lose the blissful feel at the moment I am in.

It's sad... hopeful... and excited.

And come what may, I am open...

Completely open.

I refuse to be any other way... because if I am meant to go down... then so be it.

If I am meant to die a death of absolute torture and shock, from coming to the conclusion, that I have been thwarted and this entire adventure is a hoax on my heart...

Then let it be.

Because I can’t feel him any other way.

I can’t ask of him, what I won’t give...

And if I am to die a million times over... a million ways...

From the pain that could erupt from such exposures to this lie...

Then bath me in him... in his taste... his smell...

Bath me in his breath.

And I will die the woman I have always wanted to be....

The way fairytales actually end.

“... I don’t break stride
My thoughts are warm,
they go Deep inside you,
And I never felt alone,
till I met you.
Friends say I’ve changed,
I don’t listen cause,
I live to be...

Deep Inside Of You.”

previous : next

thought - 2006-02-01
ehh? - 2006-01-27
No really, 51% are that undeniably dubious - 2006-01-11
Pat Robertson gives me seizures - 2006-01-06
Hate is such a soft word to wrap her with. - 2005-12-08