2003-03-02 : 12:39 p.m.
Evaporating essence

I sleep in a fairly sized 'Full' bed.

I sleep with an exaggerated amount of pillows.

Six large, two small, two stuffed animals.

I normally shove them to the side I don't sleep on. It gives me that false sense of security. As if something were there.

But as of late, they haven't been bunched to the side as normal. All are to the lower portion of the bed, except one.

It lays were he left it.

Last night, I rolled over as I always do. And I've fallen into the habit, to lean over at least once... and find the smell of him.

Last night I couldn't find it.

I quickly sat up... threw the pillow aside... convinced the real one, had been mixed with another.

I smelled each pillow... throwing each imposter to the side... one by one, to the floor.

Until I had no pillows left to check.

It was true.

His smell was just gone.

Completely gone.

I could only sit there for a bit and collect my thoughts. And for the first time since he left. I've felt a bit of panic.

Some faith was lost with my bit of tangible hope. Because with everything he tells me... I still in essence had him. If ever so slightly.

And so last night... with the heaviest of hearts,

I slept alone.

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* - 2007-07-05
--------------------- - 2006-05-30
hello, goodbye - 2006-05-24
Pinky burglar - 2006-03-09
So let's go... - 2006-02-24