2003-04-04 : 1:00 p.m.
A letter for me...

How can I resist? When this is the love he grants me...

This is what a real love letter sounds like... and this is just one of many...

If I don't find a way into this boys' arms soon, to expel some of this overwhelming love I feel for him... I think I will literally explode, and give myself a heart attack.

See... it's been difficult for us as of late... all part of peaks and valleys I supose... while being so far apart.

But he emailed me this today... and I can't help but to gloat...like a silly...silly little girl for it...

I do love you so... my Fletcher.

**************************************

sent: 04-04-03 10:48 a.m.

Subject: How do I know I love you?

How do I know this? In a scientific, detached kind of way, I suppose I don't. But that's in the same way that you don't know a rock is a rock unless you can hold it in front of your face. I have no solid thing I can hold and say "This is how I know", so I couldn't prove it under laboratory conditions.

When I hold you though, I feel like myself. Like I need not be funny or serious, I don't have to try or pretend or impress. Like I can let down every guard I have and just be the me that only I have met before.

I do know that I think about you every second I am awake. And, for the first time, I curse my lack of dreams, for I only see you half as much as you do me.

I don't just want you around me all the time. I want to know what you are thinking, feeling, doing, for every moment of every day. I care about your perception of things, and worry about what you might think of me when I fall by the wayside.

I suddenly believe in clich�s. I want to slay dragons for you, take you to Paris, save you from those that would do you harm. I want to make you smile and laugh and fall over in breathless pain from hysterics. I want to see you enchanted.

But I also want to be there when things hurt you. I want to be the person you lean on when you need help, the one to press your head to my chest and tell you it'll all be okay. I want to offer you comfort when you need it, and know when you want to be left alone.

I want to take care of you when you're sick. Running through pouring rain to buy painkillers and tissues and what have you. I want to bring you cocoa and chicken soup and extra pillows.

I know now, with you, that the fairytales are true and people really are capable of emotions like this. And if that makes us a rare thing, then I'm saddened the world knows not of this.

I want to be the person you get older with. The one who helps you choose a black or wood effect cane. The one you fight with over who gets the remote control. I want to be there with you years from now when we both think back to how young we were, and how hard it was when we first got together. And when our false teeth fall out from laughing about how insignificant that period of time is now, because of all the time we've had and still have after that.

I want to offer you everything you could ever possibly dream of, and yet I know that all I have to give you is myself. And I honestly think that I can give you everything, because all I want to do from now until forever, is try.

I have never meant anything I have said to anyone as purely and sincerely as when I tell you I love you. But I know that I can never tell you how much, because neither of us can possibly live long enough. There is not enough time in all creation for me to tell you enough times.

I love you. And there is no way for me to explain how I know this, but I do know it. Almost as if I always have done, always known of these feelings for you. I just never realised they were there until I met you, but now I know and now I'm not going to rest until we are together again.

These feelings for you? I cannot explain them, nor justify them. But without these feelings, without you, I'm only half a person. As you once said, we fit.

I love you, and that is how I know this.

**************************************

How can he be real?

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* - 2007-07-05
--------------------- - 2006-05-30
hello, goodbye - 2006-05-24
Pinky burglar - 2006-03-09
So let's go... - 2006-02-24