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2002-12-16 : 7:10 p.m.
unable to transcribe... unable...
Listening to: DJ Baby Anne (Bass Queen: In the mix)-this is a break beats Cd- highly recommended if you're a "bass" personality...
Hmmm... I shit you not... I had a whole six page (a word doc) entry ready to go... and now that I've let that much out on paper... On a topic... (if you can believe), I have never written about... anywhere... Me? Yeah... insane... I feel like pasting it on here... would be like talking about it-- (if that makes any sense)... and even after almost 11 years- with I turning 26... i still don't feel right talking about it... Because I can't even believe I was once that stupid... that easily maipulated... Me? I actually think that I'm still a bit embarrassed by it... and I have never realized that before... And that makes me kind of angry... with me... because Christ... 11 years ago, since it began... nine, since it was all finally... officially over... I hate thinking of myself as a victim... and in a strange way I don't feel like one... Maybe because I REFUSE it... And it bothered me in the past when Orlando or Danny found out about it... and it bothered me... Because all of a sudden I was fragile to them... And not in a delicate petal sort of way... like in a: someone could take advantage of me again, kind of way... And I hate that... that loss of control. It makes me feel defective, in some fucked up sort of way... And I hate it...
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