2002-10-18 : 5:35 p.m.
Do or Die.

Listening to: SEETHER- Disclaimer, track 12... mostly.

I think I just witnessed one of the more random (maybe not) albeit, fucking hilarious events of the day...

I was walking back to work, after picking up a nutritious meal at the local burger joint: WENDYS… In any case, the path I chose to come back on, involved using the concourse level (an underground tunnel of sorts, with small shops and all-- that connect a large number of buildings in this part of Manhattan). In any case, my building is the last enroute… and it was fairly dead at this time… the only person other than myself within relative proximity to the building entrance, was this pizza delivery man… who was not far ahead of me… let’s say… ehhh, 10 ft, approximately…

To make a long story short , this obviously (veteran) of pizza deliveries… was holding the pizza up with one arm- (much like a server)- in it’s cozy- pizza warmer apparatus… and out of nowhere drops the fucking thing… big deal??!! You exclaim! Well wait… as I too also thought prematurely to what I was witnessing… as I had assumed the pizza was safe in it’s little velcro-all encompassing-warmer… but alas! The fearless large-size pepperoni puppy slid out and hit the nearest end of a wall… but no fear… as there seemed to be hope… the box had only partially opened and only one small end of the pizza had touched any foul contamination…

It was at that instant that I took a few steps closer to the panicking pizza man… who had not noticed me in the least, a few feet behind him. I had been entranced by the pizza chaos.

It was then, that the pizza man went on to open the box completely to reveal the Shakespearean tragi-comedy of it all… the pizza velcro-warmer had done such a phenomenal job at keeping the pizza hot, that all the cheese had crumbled and slid to one entire corner of the pizza… In the ultra-slippery saucy heat it was on…

Yes, I thought the same. A poor pizza down for the count… but no! What?? The ??? Hell??? Holy Beez-wax Batman!

The pizza man would choose not to pull the life support… he proceeded to… get this… re-smoooosh (for lack of a better word) the cheese with all five fingers of one hand… back to it’s appropriate corners…

Uuuuuggghhh… gross… my nausea was creeping up… I couldn’t believe what he was doing… and it was “how” he was doing it… violating the cheese in such a matter… poking… prodding… and then picking the pepperoni out of the collapsed cheese, to place back on top of the re-molded cheese.

Ooohhh… the violation of it all.. and with such haste! Yuck! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing… when (I guess) he felt the best could be done, had been done… he repackaged the pizza in the box- and then the warmer… got back up- and again, like a server, with the defunct pizza on one hand… continued on his way…

The man never saw me… and as far as I could tell… I was the only one who really had seen anything…

I don’t know how they deliver pizza where you’re from, but apparently in the good U.S. of A. It’s do or die.



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