2003-03-24 : 9:29 p.m.
I need to rest my aching head and heavy heart...

Last night was the worst...

Not being able to sleep.

I�ve been growing sicker and sicker... as the days pass and unfold on their own.

As soon as I think I�ve gotten the upper hand... I fall asleep... I dream...

To only wake up and be reminded of all that isn�t... because you are not there.

Anything and everything I do, seem to be for the sole purpose of helping time to pass... I�ve never been so eager to release a year...

To see it dead and passed...

And finally have you here.

Because anything I could, would, or want to do... just... so simply... have lost their flavor... their taste.

And then one only needs to combine the added ingredients that nudge at me...
I�m worried...
I�m scared...

And you know, I have no doubt in the words, emotions... And simple inflections by breaths... you express.

I know without a doubt you love me.

If only because,

I have never felt this way for anyone before... this absolution, clear intent... and astounding need...to be completed by you... and for such said reasons... the choice to be happy without you...

Doesn�t seem to exist.

But how can this not be too good to be true?

How not?

And yet... I know I will be more crippled... more at a loss..

If I don�t just out live them all... the doubts, the jealous contentions...that pry and read alike... for purely selfish reasons...

And still have you to prove, at the end of my road.

You see... I have no choice...
I have to be fearless... I have to be Brave...

Because the cost of not knowing what I could... will... have with you...
Is greater...

Than the cost that could... just could.... come some day....

Should you stand up and leave.

If it should be... then fine.

Because a day...
ONE day...
In your presence...

Your kisses... your touch... your breath... in mine...

Is worth a life time of tears and torture.

And in the instant you return, and just lay at my side... I know...

I will finally sleep... rest...
Ill free...

Listening to: All the CD�s I�ve made for Fletcher... one after the other...

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* - 2007-07-05
--------------------- - 2006-05-30
hello, goodbye - 2006-05-24
Pinky burglar - 2006-03-09
So let's go... - 2006-02-24