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2003-03-18 : 10:41 p.m.
One too many twinkies...
Listening to: The teli is on Univision- a Spanish channel. I think I'm homesick... The show is absolute crap... but I need to hear something outside of english speaking folk 24/7... it'll pass.
In any case... Adi and I head off to take out the trash tonight, like good little troopers... and Adi spots a scale put out to throw away... "Don't do it..." I tell her. "But... but..." "Don't do it man...It's never good..." It's true... WOMEN should NOT own scales. "But I just want to know..." she insists. I grab and place it out on the sidewalk... "It probably doesn't work..." I tell her. "Here, if you're gonna stand on it, let me at least tell you if it's about right or so..." I stand on it... "Nah... it's broken... gotta be." "Are you sure?" She asks. "Dude... there's no way I weigh 140lbs." I'm sure of it... I haven't seen that number since college. And although, I know I've gained a few pounds, this past year, (between free lunches at work... and roomie who loves to cook... with extra, extra creamy cream for pastas... well... who am I kidding? Certainly not the jeans. That, and I know my health has been a bit shot as of late...I.E. dizzy spells, fatigue, shakes, nausea...yada...yada.... it's the hypoglycemia... It get's bad, when I'm heavy...and worse as I gain weight... It fucks with my bodies natural insulin levels... and such. (I won't bore you with the medical mumbo jumbo, so just know... Fat = Sick for Alex... Fatter = Sicker... and eventually over time, possibly diabetes... not good.) So then Adrienne gets on. "Ummm... dude..." "Yes?" I respond. "I think it's right..." "....uhhh... nuh...uh...no way....nuhhh..." "Yes." she insists. "I weighed myself not too long ago, and it hasn't changed." ENTER PANIC. "Whaaaaaaaaa???" Now... mind you... I don't believe in owning scales... because they only prove to be torture devices... and as far as I'm concern they aren't helpful to the actual process of getting in shape... since "knowing" you've lost a few pounds, doesn't always count for much as per aesthetic value. Cuz you don't always see it, do ya? So I rarely get on them. But I've had two Doc check up's in the past year. When I arrived at New York. 126 lbs. 6 months later. 132 lbs... Now just prior to the 6 month marker... I had stopped doing Yoga avidly... as I was trying to date a certain someone, and trying to find my way- stressfully in New York... No good. So I grab the scale... "No way... we're taking this inside... in the light... it's wrong I tell you." We take it in. Put it in the kitchen. Stand once again... We determine the scale is off by three pounds... and then we use John as the third vote on it's legitimate read. "John knows his weight Alex." says Adi. "Really? You ARE SURE????" "Yeah... I'm right about at 180 lbs." John says. He gets on the scale... Pause. "Well...?" I ask. Pause. He's still looking down... I daren't look. He looks up with a devious smile on his face. I walk over. "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!!!!" It reads 180 lbs... give or take the 3 lbs. Son of a bitch. "Oh my god..." is all that comes to my mind. "But Alex, I never really see you eat?" Adi says. "I feel like you usually eat less." Fuck... fuck... fuck... Is all I'm thinking. I think I'm just gonna go into my room, slit my wrist... and get rid of some blood... that weighs a bit ey? FUCK.
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