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2003-02-09 : 12:46 a.m.
Watch it! I can bite!!!
Listening to: Compilation CD
Written 2-6-03 at 12:05 p.m. �Oh god please... please no, don�t... oh no...� He smiles at me. �So what kind of sunglasses are those?� I can only imagine the look of panic I must have given him, because the returning glance was that of: �Did I say something wrong?� �Christ!� I think... �You�re going to have to speak. Speak!� �Ummm...� Using only the left side of my mouth to talk, ah-la Popeye style, �They are... errr... Smith... yeah, Smith sun glasses.� �Oh wow, very nice. So those are really nice sunglasses huh?� �I guess yeah.� �Hey don�t they make skiing glasses too?� �Ummm... probably.� I smile... keep my mouth closed, but smile... �So, you go skiing?� And for no particular reason, except that the whole situation at that point seemed entirely too amusing too me... in a moment of pure amnesia, I laugh- a wide smile laugh. In the same instant, I realized what I was doing, I panicked and smacked my mouth shut. As I covered my mouth, I played with my bottom lip, in some retarded desperate attempt to play off, the panicked desperate move. �Umm... err... no, I don�t.� I responded. Then the Starbucks teller opportunely yells, �Next in line please.� I thought, �Oh thank God...� Gave him a little grin and scurried off. Again... ah-la Popeye style, gave my order. And with my proper �grande� coffee proceeded to the �do-it-yourself�, milk and sugar counter. As I began my usual �coffee prep� routine I hear, �...oh great, they have regular sugar today.� Meet gentleman #2. He�s standing to my left, leaning against the counter... in an apparent search for more than just granulated sugar... I look to my side... smile at the boy and think, �Good god! Again? I can�t be that attractive today. For crying out loud, my winter coat isn�t even off.� (Note: I would normally attribute such said hormonal male attention, to the un avoidable �boob hypnotism� phenomena. But as per the coat, not the reason here apparently. Go figure.) �Yeah...umm...� He struggles a bit. �So the last time I was here, I had to use that other stuff and it was just gross...� In that instant, I grab three packets of Equal and put it in my coffee. The level of restraint I had to call upon, in order to not bust out into complete hysterics, was immeasurable. I just turned slightly to look at his face, which inevitably morphed itself into the undeniable, �I am an idiot� expression. I chuckled a bit, smiled, but refuse to say a word. Such a thing would involve opening my mouth again and risk a repeated embarrassment. �Umm... I meant that stuff...� As he pointed at the packets of sweet and low. I thought, �sure you did honey... sure.� So I just smiled, covered my coffee, looked back at him, smiled again, looked away, mumbled �bye�, and quickly walked away. I honestly thought my knees would give out. They had that random jell-O wiggle to them. He was a cutie really. The twists of fate love doing this nonsense to me. Christ, not one... but two? Back to back? And today of course... now of all days... shit... See, I�m currently siting in the Starbucks in Union Square, which is located close to my dentists office. I had to make an emergency appointment for 1:30 today... and I�m killing a little bit of time. Why an emergency, you ask? Ha! I�m fucking missing four of my teeth!!! Oh I shit you not! See, I�m getting Veneer work done on almost all of my teethe. They�re kinda like caps, but better, and waaaay more expensive. In any case, as the lab creates each individual veneer to be placed over my own shaven tooth, I have to wear these �fake temporaries�... Yeah well... last night four of my upper left teeth fell out!!! And as I just mentioned, my �own� teeth have been shaven down, in order to hold the permanents. But as is... that is shaven, they resemble Gremlin teethe. I HAVE GREMLIN TEETH!!!!!!!!!!!!! No, IT IS NOT ATTRACTIVE!!! And of course, today of all days, my pheromones seem to be shooting every which way- without prior approval or permission... and men are just coming at me, like great whites out on the Australian reef in prime breeding season. What the hell??? At the moment, my hair is up, my green nails need to be �oh so� repainted...eeek! I look just like I feel... ass. And I�m sure, once I exit the dentists office, smiling and gleaming, there�ll be nothing!!! What is wrong with you twats?!?! Gremlin teeth? Seriously? Well shit... How about them apples?
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