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2003-01-20 : 12:16 p.m.
Truth in a bottle
Listening to: The Cure (Wild Mood Swings)
(God I love this lap top... So yeah, I can�t sleep... and as per norm- I start swapping with one hand over... feeling for the floor. Normally, I�d reach for my journal and turn on my night light... but instead... I find this little puppy with my hand... and just transcribe directly to you... Yes... I love modern technology.) One random thought: I think I�m going to dye my hair... Any ideas? See along with my youth... the hair that once belonged to it... is fading from existence. As genetics would have it... most kids (from my fathers side of the lineage)... are born either blondes (of varying shades) or bright redheads (from mainly German genes)... then over time the hair literally begins to change... and darken as the years progress... until they are pitch (or close to) black, (the Spanish genes...) In any case... all the kids invariably are also affected to some degree, by the genes of the other parent (not of my fathers line). But inevitably... it never fails. We all become White dimwits, with blue/ green, or hazel eyes (very, very few brown)- with black hair. And my head is no exception. Now unlike my brother... I was born a bright blonde, (my brother a bit darker)- till it quickly fell into �red�- yuck! (And with my curly hair, I looked like orphan Annie for a solid year. How my brother was spared this phase is beyond me...)... to then go into this golden ash blonde in elementary school... (in pic�s it shows up as a bit browner though...hmm...) To then junior high... all hell broke loose... I could bend over- and you could see that the back of my head was well... venturing into dark obscure colors of black and brown. And the top of my head... was a mess. It was a mixture of bright blonde strands... with red... brown... auburn... (oh yes... and my eye lashes were... platinum blonde... so if I didn�t wear mascara... I looked eyelash-less. I was a freak, I tell you. They still are blonde- but now only the tips of the lashes. Which I can handle.) Shoot me... I just hated my hair. My dad once poked fun at me... and told me I had �Mood� hair... (Some stupid nonsense that came out in the late eighties, that was mostly found on rings... or necklace pieces... that changed color... according to your �mood�...) Anyhow... in Junior High... I began the process of dying my hair... (with semi permanent dyes)... choosing a darker and darker shade each time...(so my mom would think it was natural, see... she didn�t want me �dying� my hair...) And that continued throughout high school... where I stuck with a dark �Amber� color. Although I had always wanted black hair... which my mother threatened to disown me if I even �tried�... so I stuck to the darkest shade I could... And if only for fleeting months- where I couldn�t afford to buy the stupid bottle of semi-perm dye... my natural hair color came through... And there are very few pic�s to document this... And it was scary... Strawberry blonde...(what resides on my head at the moment...) But I hated it... see, you have to understand... I was a �rocker�, a �punk�, a �metal head�... and I had personal issues with light hair of any kind... it just wasn�t appropriate for my �dark� personality. (that and my long affinity with wanting to look just like Jennifer Connolly as a child... reinforced that.) So yes... on frequent occasions... the dye would begin to wash out at the end of the month... and the color would seep through... And as soon as someone would yell, �hey red!� I u-turned straight to the market for a new bottle of dye... (Actually, my prom pic... is a good example of how dark it was with the dye... hmm... I think I�ll put it on the pic page... if not at least to embarrass Danny A. a bit... ha!) In any case... the point is... I want to be a strawberry red head (now)... I think I�d fancy being called �red� this time around... and for good... But age and genetics... have proclaimed a fat �No!� See... as I pointed out to Paola at work the other day... as I bent over to show her the hair growing out on the back of my head... to which she responded: �Oh my God! You�re right...holy shit...� Yup... pitch black hair is beginning to take over... and it�s beginning it�s journey from the back of my head. Go figure... And the rest of my head is coming in a brick red brown... and it�s random... and again annoying. Nevertheless...it�s all �naturally�... darker than ever. So yes... I will be like all proper old ladies... and �dye� my hair properly, in order to recapture... my �youth�... I do understand it�s normal... hell it is true... �real� blondes- do NOT exist pass a certain age without �bottled� help... (believe it boys... they�re lying if the ladies tell you otherwise.) So it�s time to grow up ey? So yeah... any color ideas kids? Fuck it. Although I must mention... I do refuse to stop acting like an adolescent idealistic ass, in spite of my age... No matter how much I tell you I am weary... And no longer do the �wishful� thinking... the truth is... anything else about what really crosses my mind- would make it as true as the color in that bottle... I wish and hope for much too much...
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