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2002-11-20 : 4:09 p.m.
electronic relationships
Listening to: Third Eye Blind (Blue)
please... no slack for it!!! It's a fucking fantastic album! Seriously... I too, a few years back... really debated the antics and genuine "bill-board" sound of Third Eye Blind... but this album made me take all the squash, I vehemently spewed on them-- directly back into the good ol' mouth... Seriously... just listen... uninterrupted-- beginning to end... FANTASTIC. Anywho... now on to the topic revolving vicariously through the synapses since last night... Adrienne and I had quite the interesting talk about diaryland... devallyk, mustangusmc, and other now beloved beautes... (oh yes… and as an aside… I had that conversation… only after just having a phone conversation with Shari—regarding the same nonsense.) (Oh… and as a second aside: Shari is a secret-covert-spy on diaryland… whom is a bit chicken… and signs up as a guest (refusing to set up her own tag name)… to read muah… and others- as listed above… oh my bubbles: in my proper PBS- drug-free- commercial tone… “… everybody does it… come on…” Hee… hee…) Well, Adrienne refuses to get directly involved... seeing as she is already vicariously hooked by everything I tell her- relating to all, and myself of course… It is a bit sad, I must admit… I come home to tell her about my day… and the day includes: “yeah, so J’ is having to deal with (such and such)…”---“Suck… with a capital ‘S’… I know…poor thing…”--- “Fletcher…It’s Fletcher… Adrienne… no sweets… not ‘Hetcher’, or ‘Metcher’… or ‘Festcher’…. ‘F-L-E-T-C-H-E-R’…” …giggles… “ooops… yeah, sorry… ‘Fle-hhh…. Umm, yeah… the cute boy from England… right, right… that one…” she responds. I always laugh after that comment… and I fear this is how our conversations concerning diaryland normally start out… incessantly. “Yes, Adrienne…” (followed by my- now- all to frequent slap to the forehead.) Well… on to my point… sorry… I get a bit spastic… I know… Well… a bit further into the conversation she gets me real, real… good. By that I mean… she asks the perfect question that leaves me… well… speechless… In that kind of relentless ‘stumped’ feeling of: “Shit… I don’t know really… well, I mean… I think I might know… ehhh…but…. Hmmm… good fucking question…. Shit… ten points for Adrienne!” The question? Why are you so afraid of meeting someone… anyone… via the internet and such? And this question has come… ironically enough, just before I check my email… and find myself with the most pleasant of emails from mustangusmc… (now quit the dirty thoughts… I’ll explain in a bit…)
And yes, we could answer with the all too common answer: …ummm… possible stalker? But all jokes aside… ahem… seriously… You see… I have never conferred with folk via these new industrial wires… For anything ever… And don’t get me started on the whole “single” scene you can fall into via the internet… HELL NO!!! I had a friend, who’s entire back bone became dependent on the shit… she must have met and gone out with a good twenty… through these things… First the emails… the nonsensical banter of IM- ing… oh! And the ever so exciting picture exchange… Female: “oooohh… yeah you’re uhhh… kinda hot…” Male: “he…he… he… so you wanna meet?” And then enter: Nerds like I… to get dragged along for the momentous occasion… b/c pip-squeek here… is to nervous to go alone… And in seconds I become witness to what happens… over and over again… Nothing. The worst kind of Nothing… the uncomfortable…. Nothing. And the night turns into: everyone talking to everyone… except for the two in question, who can’t even look at each other… And the night wraps itself up… with yours truly having to drive… b/c pip-squeek can’t stop crying in her wails of: “…aaaahhhhrrrrrggghhhhh…. Why…why… why… I don’t understand… he saw my picture… we’ve been talking for months Alex… why? He said…I was cute… he said he liked me…” “…ummm… well, I’m sure he did…uhhh…” “….aaaahhhhrrrrrggghhh….” (*sniffles…snot…snorts… and anything between*) “… then why? What happened?…. I liked him so much Alex…” “Pheromones…” “eh…eh…he…eh…eh…” (oh you know, those crying heaves.) “What?” “Pheromones… what can I tell you?… the dog sniffed and scratched… but didn’t get the scent…” “…uh-hu-hu…aaaahhhhrrrrggghhhh….” Her face flops back into her hands. I mean what the fuck am I suppose to say? I… in this situation… I would die… but it’s true… everyone always, always, mistakenly think… the good ol’ picture exchange is the key… But the only definite information such a thing gives you is: Oh yeah… definitely could screw this donkey al’right… And I had explained all this to Adrienne… as a plausible answer… “…but this is your diary Alex… and you’ve also been reading about these people for months… sorry, but I don’t think that’s it…” Blasted! She’s fucking right… And I can’t even use the honesty ploy either… The: this person could be putting up a front—kind of deal. Simply because it would prove to be way to difficult for anyone really… to keep up any kind of front… for soooo long… and be consistent within months worth of entries… Possible? Maybe. But entirely too difficult and unlikely. And then an answer that lunaadored had written in my survey, came to mind… “Sure I would. Diaries are rather personal, and you can get to know someone quite well reading one. And if you form a good enough on-line friendship, why not try one off? How far? Depends on the person.” Yes…. Yes… good answer. I just can’t refute that. ‘Cause it makes quite a bit of sense to me...for once. Adrienne’s theory on my troubles is even more interesting… (oh by they way… she’s the child of a shrink… so as she put it: “Oh, I haven’t had a problem that hasn’t been dissected or ‘Worked though’.” (With fingers, doin’ the quote thing.) So in her soft… (just lay down… and let’s talk about this)- kind of voice, she says: “Alex… I think it’s the whole… ‘distance’ versus ‘relationship’ thing… you’re scared that it might actually work… but then you’ll have to let it go…” I’m awestruck. “…even if it happens to be romantic or not…” she continues. DAMN! (*heavy sighs and breathing*) She is fucking Goooooood! At soon as it all really sunk in… all I could do is sit myself on my bed… and think… That just fucking sucks. And as fate would have it of course… I get an email from mustangusmc for a delightful invite to a chat via the phone!! (and no… you piglets!… he is very married… and very, very much in love… (*sighs*)… so end that nonsense immediately, thank you…) I was immediately ecstatic by the notion! A voice to go with all the wonderful stories and thoughts… and yes… pictures… And then I got nervous… how silly! Which then brought me right back to what Adrienne had talked about… Again, this is all very, very strange for me… I can only imagine what I would feel like if say someone like good ol’ Fletcher appeared at my door step… I may actually pass out, before I can even turn the knob… HA!
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