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2003-04-13 : 1:04 p.m.
te quiero Tata.
Written: 4-13-03 Time: 12:41 p.m.
Listening to: The hum of my fan. I went to bed rather late last night. And as such, assumed I wouldn�t be waking up anytime before noon, without the assistance of an alarm. Especially when you understand I am not a morning person and can sleep days away, without hesitation. But I decided to not set it. Let as much of the day be taken care of as possible. I didn�t care for very much of it, at the moment. Nevertheless, I woke up, rather abruptly, at about 10:30 a.m. today. I was a bit surprised by it and subsequently, didn�t know what to do, but just lay there... As I couldn�t fall back asleep either. I just felt odd. Strangely alert. So I get up, check a message left by Danny (A.), and attempt to make something to eat, as I watch TV. It�s about 11:35 at this point... and my phone rings. Strange things, wonderful things, life altering things... from every end happen to me... on days, or multiple�s of... or an association with... to the number 13. I call it my lucky number. But not in the way you would readily assume. See, luck is neither really good or bad... that in itself just happens to denote what swing the pendulum happens to be on... It�s random, isn�t it? It�s uncontrollable, unchartable, and disdainful in that, where it lands, it lands. And you just have to deal. Danny died due to luck. How I came to be into this country is luck. Your birth and whom you are born to... Is luck. The fact that I found Fletcher, and he I, at all... Is luck. The fact that my memories of my granddad�s house, my pictures on his walls, the fruit tree in the back yard- (that had this peculiar purple fruit you could eat, that Gabby and Maggie would hang off the balcony in order to reach... and that I would taste for the first time), his living room, with paintings and antique wooden furniture- that made me feel like I was in some foreign mini-royalty land, as a kid... Or that huge work of art, depicting a Japanese bridge...my father gave to my grandfather- when he traveled to Japan... And who will give me more foreign coins? My grandfather never forgot my fascination with coins and their emblems... so he�d send me small increments at a time, all the ones he had amassed, from around the world... It didn�t dawn on me till years later, that he fascinated them as well... I wonder if any more are found... will they know they belong with me? As they are the only tangible exchange, between he and I... my memories of all this...and all that is intangible... and at the rate of which it will all fade... and more so, the fact that I can�t take someone like Fletcher, and point and show him... so he may understand. The fact that it will never be, as such... Is all luck... Today is the 13th. My only family, my grandfather... Took his last breath this morning, as I awoke, and took another. Te quiero mucho, mucho, muchisimo Tata. And I�m sorry I didn�t get to tell you again.
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