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2003-04-17 : 5:41 p.m.
Call me "Beauffer", runner #9477.
Listening to: The Crystal Method (Tweekend)
Two subtle and wonderful things happened today… 1) I have my passport in my hands. (Even if the pic is god awful.) 2) I’ve been designated runner #9477. Oh yeah… I’m suppose to be running a 5k in a week and a half… You see… when I get my tax return… I give a chunk of it away… no matter what. It’s normally not anything very grand, but it’s something. And every year it’s fairly random… Well this year… I gave 50 bucks to the Human Rights Watch… you know this? (I practice what I preach.) But like many other (different) causes, there’s a marathon involved to raise money. And in light of losing Danny to cancer… and Jen F.’s mom to cancer… I’ve always liked trying to do something to help research and the such along. But with all that’s going on… I’m as poor as ever. So you guessed it, In the peak of my shape, I could run a little under 3 miles in 30 minutes. My peak being of course, 9 months ago. Since then… I’ve felt drowned and consumed by my daily existence… that I’ve stopped doing Yoga. (My primary “work out”, although I must mention, I never did it to stay in shap. That was just the added benefit.) Anyhow, my company offered to fork up the money, if I do some running on their behalf… so there you have it… # 9477. I’m so winded, emotionally shot… and physically hammered… that I honest to god don’t think I know how I’ll make it. And certainly, when I raised my hand to do this, two months ago… I never imagined I would be adding a third cancer victim to run for… My grandfather. Honestly, with this, my Hot Henry… and all the other nonsense you can imagine… Like Danny A. being a bit taken aback about me and England, losing contact with Emilio, going the longest stretch without a break to go home, a job that is over working me… and taking advantage of me with lack of proper pay… I just wish everything would just hold on for a sec… so I can resolve things. But it’s not happening… Instead I feel overwhelmed and nothing seems to be okay… I can’t even get Hot Henry to just acknowledge me with a term of endearment not used and abused from another well written Oscar Wilde short story… (okay that was far fetched... I just mean something nothing used to refer to the masses.) And it's all stuff that I know… I could just normally shrug off and stop wasting my time with… if I didn’t feel all ready overwhelmed by so much. Such stupid stuff really… even if he referred to me as “Beauffer” for affection, and didn’t use it for anyone else… I’d probably drool over with joy… just cuz it’s him… and more importantly- just for me, y’know? Such simple stupid crap really. And it's even those stupid details, that are throwing me for a loop. And nothing more would be so sweet, than to have everyone and anyone who comes through my door from now on… to leave their f*cking baggage at the door. And then maybe the joy from the simplest of things… like my passport and my new purpose behind fulfilling #9477… wouldn’t be sucked out.
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