2002-11-25 : 2:21 p.m.
proposal
Listening to: Dave Mathews (Crash)
(Written journal entry: 11-24-02 11:14 p.m.) ��Now let�s make this an evening/ Lovers for a night, lovers for tonight/ Stay here with me, love, tonight/ Just for an evening/ When we make our passion pictures/ You and me twist up/ Secret creatures/ And we�ll stay here/ Tomorrow go back to being friends�� --Dave Mathews In our acting class, our instructor is having us do a series of theatre exercises, (based on Uta Hagen�s principles). After she allows you to �pass� the exercise, you graduate to another exercise (with added obstacles and increased difficulty.) And the exercises are all in fact very, very simple� which masks their opportunity to be very difficult. And add to that� you are alone for each one� yup, just you� to carry an entire story, from beginning to end. A scene. With a beginning, middle, and an end. Both, an entrance and an exit into your world� and all props� a set, the lights, the stage�and you have to carry it and incorporate it all� Oh and did I mention all the material (script) has to be original? Christ! The instructor wants the exercises to yield her and us, two specific objectives� 1) For her to get to know us on a personal level, as well as our particular performance strength and weaknesses� (basically, the woman wants to get to know us well enough� so when we get around to performing actual scenes� she�ll know if we�re bull shitting her, or not�) 2) That we begin the process of �catharsis�, so we can then learn to use our �life� experiences as a tool on the stage and eventually incorporate into future character developments. Anywho! So today I had to do my �phone call� exercise. Which had to include all the elements I stated, and you guessed it� a telephone conversation. (And all original material, remember�) Although, we are allowed to fictionalize anything (and everything if need be) to make it compelling for ourselves and the audience (of course). And so my moment had arrived�The stage, the lights, my world� was ready to go� ********************************* I�m in my room, the coffee in my hands is already a bit cold� And once again I am plagued with thoughts, memories, and indecision� rolled and packed tighter than a sushi california roll� Yes� I�ll call Jennifer (F.). She�ll understand� she can tell me what to do� ( ** denotes a pause� representing Jen�s part of the conversation or lengthened pause.) �� Jen? Hey, what�s up ? ** How�s the baby? ** Wow� yeah? Great� great� ** Oh no! I�m fine� I�m fine� ** I sound that bad? ** Oh, Jen�** I saw Jorge today� and yeah, we had a nice night� I guess� ** He�s in town from school� and really wanted to see me� So I said yes�** Nothing really out of the ordinary� just dinner� mixed a bit, with awkward conversation� ** You know it�s hard for me to just talk to him, Jen� I know he still has very deep feelings for me� I can just tell�** The way he looks at me� the things he says� how he says it� the look� I can never mistake that look, y�know� never� it�s so honest really�** It breaks my heart� every single time� I just feel like such a witch� After everything he did for me� the only thing I could give to a boy, that has it all� was a �dumped� farewell, before he headed off to Harvard�** Don�t tell me not to feel bad� Jen! Come on! I�m such an asshole! I want to love him the way I did, before I died with Danny� I want it back� Fuck me! ** Jen� Jen� ** Listen to me� ** Jen�** ******************************* Soon after� on February 11, 2002� we went to the courthouse, to apply for the marriage license. I�ll never forget the look on the clerks face when we approached her desk� she was smiling from ear to ear� She said we looked �absolutely beautiful� together. I cried the whole drive home that day�. Jorge just didn�t know what to say� so he just held my hand the whole time� up to the last second� when we were at my doorstep and all he could do was give me a kiss on my forehead... The marriage license expired on April 19th 2002� A top ten, as one of the saddest days of my life� Not because I couldn�t go through with it� but for the sole reason, it didn�t happen the way it should have� And it�s now become one more added guilt� for all I cannot do for him� Catharsis� can be a rough event� especially when you don't have to fictionalize events...
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